May 12, 2017
San Onofre State Beach, CA
A 42-year-old man was attacked at the same exact break as a 20-something-year-old woman two weeks prior. Again, it was a surprise attack that the victim didn’t see coming. The victim appears to have escaped with a hurt ego, however.
“I usually surf after my last class on Friday. The waves were shit, but I decided to go out anyway to get some exercise. I had a huge salad yesterday, and it must’ve just cleaned me out. I was walking down the beach and all of a sudden it hit me. The shart left its mark from my butt to my lower calf. I just ran for the water, pulled my suit down, and washed it as well as I could. I hope nobody saw.”