Oakland, CA – The Oakland-Los Angeles-Oakland-Las Vegas Raiders have signed Orenthal “O.J.” Simpson to the 2017/2018 Raiders squad on the date of his parole release and the 35th anniversary year of their last Superbowl win.
In a landmark move, soon-to-be Las Vegas Raiders’ owner Mark Davis made a statement about the signing. “O.J. Simpson will be a spectacular asset to our team in Las Vegas, NV. We’re taking a stab at bringing on O.J., but we think he’s going to kill it on our squad! He really fits the glove for our team! We’re looking at all types of players, even ones that have been retired for years. We haven’t won a Superbowl in 35 years, so what do we really have to lose? Have you seen my haircut? Moving to Las Vegas was a huge move, and with my help, we’re going to turn this team into even more of a comedy show this year. ”
Oakland Raiders fans had no comment on the signing, as most of them will not be allowed to travel over state lines and will be forced to watch the games at home on house arrest.